Glenn Beck is total bullshit and he knows it. Ratings are still high.

Glenn Beck's show can be expressed by using a ratio of 7% legitimate concerns, and 93% bullshit.

The Hangover

Homosexuality in the form of three "best friends."

In all actuality, the movie does not display any form of homosexuality as far as I was concerned. The Hangover stars three relatively small-time television actors, the most notable one (in my case) being Ed Helms who plays Andy on The Office. The movie tells of three groomsmen who take their buddy to Las Vegas for his bachelor party before his marriage. They get shmammered and forget everything that went on the night before, and lose the most important of their friends.

They go on an epic adventure the next day to uncover the events that happened the night before, using clues to retrace their steps and find out just what the fuck happened the night before. If you have seen the trailer for this film, then you probably know that it has the potential to be quite hilarious.

It's these random-ass type of comedies that you really have to have the right mindset for before seeing them. If you're in the mood for a drama, then watch a drama. Want a horror movie? Watch a horror movie. This movie can only be fully appreciated if you're a good mood, and with someone who you can laugh with, and laugh HARD with.

This movie employs a finely tuned method of shock-and-awe comedy, where you never know what is going to happen next, and you never know where the story is going to take you. The characters seem just as shocked as the viewer, and they react appropriately to just about everything that happens in the movie. Often times, they simply freak the fuck out which results in massive hilarity.

The movie has several loopholes and isn't pieced together quite as well as it could have been. The script is solid and they definitely force a few transitions, but it's all in good fun. It's just very important to have the correct mindset when viewing this movie, or else you are going to nitpick and notice some errors. The beauty of this movie comes with the ride of it. It feels like you're on a rollercoaster ride of hilarious proportions, and undiscovering the plot with the main characters is a fucking blast.

All three actors don't stand out too well on their own (aside from Ed Helms, who rules), and that's actually a good thing. This movie would be completely different if some well-known actor was up there leading the show, but that's not the case. Bradley Cooper tries to exercise some leadership throughout the film, but the movie is just too fucking crazy for him to hold it together.

Bottom line is: If you haven't seen this movie, and you're a fan of crazy as hell comedies, then I completely recommend this. I've described this movie before as," Dude Where's My Car? on steroids," and that's the best way for me to describe it. Only you don't have that prick Ashton Kutcher to stare at the entire time.

Once

I'm back.

Movies have been slow in my life lately. I deem many of them unreviewable since a review about them would be unfunny. But, I feel that my passion for film should be good enough for anyone who reads this blog to actually watch the things I recommend or do not recommend. All humor aside, I love film and cinematography in general, and I feel like I appreciate it more than I do my peers, and as such I look at it a little differently.

So, I'm going to stop being picky about things and review almost everything I watch, whether I love it or hate it. People here to laugh will probably get that, but I feel that I'm being unfair to people who read this blog to gain information about movies, so I'm going to change that.

Last weekend my girlfriend and I decided to take a nap as to get away from my family and enjoy some privacy. In order to make it seem like we weren't doing it, I put in a DVD. My collection is incredibly jumbled at the moment and I managed to find the movie Once. I bought it with the full intention of watching it some years ago, but due to some personal conflicts I never cared to watch the movie.

I figured, " Well, we can have some nice music, and maybe this guy and girl can help sing us to sleep." In all actuality, it did the opposite of that. The film is about real life singer-songwriter Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova (which isn't spelled correctly, but a google search will come up with her) and their struggles as musicians. Hansard plays music on the street for pety cash, and Irglova, and immigrant becomes smitten with his sound and eventually invites him to listen to her play piano.

They sing a impromptu song together, and Hansard believes that she might help him jumpstart his career. The two share a romantic bond, and record a demo together near the end of the movie. Hansard is still upset over the loss of one of his ex-girlfriends, and is convinced that he should travel to London to promote the demo tape, and win back his old girlfriend.

I've got a thing for indie bands, and this movie definitely hit home with me. My girlfriend and I didn't do any sleeping. The first scene caught me by the balls and kept me interested. I did not expect Glen Hansard to be so passionate about this thing. The man fucking sings his heart out, and I fell for him pretty strongly. Not romantically, but as a musician, as I'm not attracted to hairy Irish men. It looked like he was on the verge of tears for just about every song, and for that I respect him so, so much. In order to be taken seriously as a musician, he had to nail this movie. He's not an actor, and neither is Irglova, but Glen Hansard most definitely is a performer. He puts his heart and his soul into every single song, and I have to say that his performance is truly incredible.

Irglova has no problem trying to match him, however her style of musicianship is not nearly as passionate, and seems much more humble. She doesn't quite put everything out on the table for you, as Glen does so expertly. If you have a love for music, or are into the singer-songwriter stuff, then I cannot possibly recommend this movie more. The movie was incredibly low-budget ($160,000). It's very grainy looking and I love it. The movie is shot so fucking beautifully that it's not even funny. Granted, it's my kind of cinematography, and if I were to make a movie it would look very similar for this. The film is shot on location in Ireland, and it's just...awesome.

This movie completely surprised me. Glen Hansard is the fucking man, and his passion for this is so fucking impressive. I have the utmost respect for both of these musicians. For being professional musicians instead of professional actors is so surprising, because they nail it. The two definitely have a lot of chemistry, and it truly is something to watch. This will be a movie that I rewatch time and time again, simply because it's that good.

Highly recommended.

Drag Me To Hell

PISSED BECAUSE I'M UGLY.

The other night I went to see Drag Me To Hell with my girlfriend and a few of my friends. I found out that this was a Sam Raimi film until I watched the review on the Totally Rad Show (which influences 95% of my movie viewing experiences via theater). My girlfriend wanted to see it, and I'm a huge Evil Dead/Army of Darkness fan, so I also wanted to see it.

Everyone I was with had no idea what this movie was about, and were unaware of what they were in for. I knew exactly what was about to come, and damn was I excited. In this movie, a mortgage loan worker at a bank has to deny this elderly woman an extension on her house payment, and essentially evicts her from her home. Chris, the mortgage worker, plays it off as simply doing her job, and let's her greed overcome her to throw this woman's life away.

Well, Chris fucked with the wrong elderly lady, and as such is cursed by some Spanish demon or something, and has three days before she's dragged to hell. Essentially, the movie consists of Chris trying to live normally with this curse, and then ultimately trying to rid herself of the curse.

The plot sounds pretty straight forward, but whenever it comes down to it, this movie is a comedy. Anyone not going into the film with this mindset will be incredibly disappointed and/or angry. This movie has a great setup for shocking moments, and is genuinely frightening in a pop-out BOO! kind of way, instead of being psychologically frightening. The score to this film is nearly perfect. The sound made my hairs stand on edge, and for the most part made me tense as hell during a few segments. You know whenever it's coming, and whenever it happens I was still shocked as hell. The combination of being expertly shot along with the sound made this hilarious movie genuinely scary, albeit in a way that is cheap and unfair.

If one thing is for certain, Sam Raimi as a director has voice, and he has style. This movie is shot in ways that I felt were original and deliberately made you focus on something out of the ordinary. I recall several scenes where the focus is on a microwave, while the lead character stands to the side. Instead of looking at the main character, I was focused on the reflection the microwave gave off. I ALWAYS thought something was going to pop out, and most generally something did. The microwave was safe though, but that kind of shot made me focus on something out of the way, and as such sucked me back into the experience that much more whenever something did pop out.

The acting in this movie is as good as it needs to be. People need to realize that some of the acting in this movie that was done poorly was deliberate. I think Raimi takes just as much satisfaction in having his audience laugh as he does scaring them. Some of the characters are absurd, and the situations that Chris finds herself in are so incredibly laughable. Some of the CGI effects are just downright fucking hilarious, and this movie exceeded the expectations that I had.

This is easily the best movie I've seen in awhile, and is a modern day B-horror film. Although, once again, I laughed whenever no one else did, especially early on in the film before anyone knew it was a comedy.

Regardless, whenever the end credits came up, I couldn't help but stand up and yell," Man, that movie was THE SHIT!"

Go see it.

This is why I am the way that I am.

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My mom has this on my computer. I don't think she realizes that I'm not in FUCKING COMMUNIST CHINA.

Terminator: Salvation.

Initiate. Pwnage.

It's a little difficult for me to start this review, but I'll begin with some honesty (as always). I am a huge Terminator fan. My dog is named after John Connor, and I think that's pathetic. I distinctly recall owning a miniature Arnold T-800 action figure as a child, but I could be mistaken. There's a good possibility that it was on my wish-list for quite some time, but I know for a fact that I owned a rather shitty action figure of the mechanic Arny, and I assure you that he kicked loads, and loads of DragonBall Z ass.

This movie was directed by McG (what?), the same douchebag who brought you both of the Charlies Angels movies. I knew right away that this movie would feature zero nipple, but I was willing to make that sacrifice. I do, however, wish that they grew a pair and went with the R instead of the PG-13. I'm sure they're trying to compete with blockbusters such as Star Trek and Wolverine, but honestly...why break the tradition?

I'll try to keep this as spoiler free as possibly, but I'll apologize in advance in case I spill anything note-worthy. Christian Bale is a decent actor, however I say this because he needs to tone down the Batman voice and keep being Bruce Wayne. I heard that the Batman voice returns in this movie, but I was thoroughly shocked to hear an even deeper and more raspy Batman voice at times. My theory for this is that John Connor cannot become winded, but only become more badass by deepening his voice and smoking a pack of cigarettes off-screen while he gets his ass handed to him by legions of robots. His performance was not note-worthy, but what did you expect?

Also, I made the mistake of confusing Michael Ironside with Jack Nicholson...again. I kept thinking," Where have I seen this old fart?" and came to the conclusion that I had seen him in The Departed, as they both shared a goattee. However, I recognized Ironside from...and I'm serious here...Command and Conquer: Red Alert 2. I feel like a fucking idiot for that, but who could blame Jack for trying to scrape up a few more bucks with a half-assed part?

I could go on and on about the actors, but these two were the only ones that I felt were notable (Helena Bonham Carter was so-so). The plot of this movie can be summed up in a sentence:

Kyle Reese, the badass from Terminator 1, is numero uno on Skynets shitlist, and John Connor has to save his teenage ass from termination. Simple, right? Right. Any Terminator fan knows that Reese is Connor's father, despite Reese being barely 17 in this movie, and Connor being well into his 20's. If only Reese knew that he had screwed the leader of the Resistance's mother, maybe things would've been different...

The plot was fine and all, but it ended up being more of a superhero esque movie, and the Resistance were a little too badass for me. The only scenes with beaten-up Fallout 3 style characters was very short-lived. However, I really liked how Reese's character reminded me of John Connor in Terminator 2. I don't know if this was intentional or not, but it was really cool seeing the resemblance, even if Reese was a bit of a poor actor.

All in all, they couldve done a lot more with this film. The trend of the main action sequence being in a car lived on through this movie, and I felt like it barely compared with that of Terminator 3. Some of the effects were so clearly CGI that it was hard to watch, and Reese's little companion character was so fucking laughable. This little girl ALWAYS had just what they needed. There's a moment where they need to ignite this gasoline to blow up a Terminator, and the scene switches to the Terminator, and then it switches to the little girl holding a road flare, and I busted out laughing because of how absurd it was. Definitely not how I would've shot that scene, and it just seemed so poorly done and comical. I don't think the rest of the audience really paid any attention to it, though...

To sum up this review, this movie is borderline even with Terminator 3, despite having a few big-name actors. Nothing can really compare with Arnold Schwarzenegger (spelled that correctly the first try) being the star of the show, and the new-age digital effects couldn't live up to that. If you're a fan of the franchise, then I recommend you to go see it, but expect to be disappointed like I was. But this IS a fun movie, and I did enjoy watching it. There's not really anything else to say besides that.

The Secret Life of Mary-Margaret: Portrait of a Bulimic

Because cigarettes=thin.

Thanks to my wonderfully educational and eventful current health topics class, I was able to be exposed to this exceptionally well shot and brilliantly written movie.

Haha, Just kidding!

This movie was creepy. Mary-Margaret, the main character and anorexic/bulimic/binge eater likes to narrate her own story. The voice she uses it almost terrifying, and it was like I was hearing a narration from the Saw movies, but instead it was this fine ass hoe. She sounded bloodthirsty, but in reality she was just insane. Throughout the course of the movie, she finds dumber and dumber ways to make her problem more noticeable. She goes from throwing up into the toilet, to throwing up in jars and putting them in her closet. She then gathers them up once a week or so, and throws them into this nasty swamp lake. It was really creepy.

The climax of the creepiness comes even before that, though. Mary-Margaret goes on her first date with this dreamy football player, and it cuts to a makeout scene where he's kissing all over her face, and she's just sitting there stone-faced, eyes wide open, staring out the front window. I guess she was thinking less about the guys erect penis, and more about how ugly she must've looked since he was kissing off all of her makeup. It was certainly chilling, and the worst part is: She broke up with him, and he didn't dump her creepy ass. I don't understand this at all. I would have taken her home and locked my doors or something.

When it comes down to it, this movie is just a very, very odd movie about a bulimic woman struggling with several eating disorders. Her binge eating is especially odd, as she could've just ate healthy foods instead of downing a bag of doritos and whipped cream (at the same time) and then throwing it all up. I feel like a small salad might've been lovely, but unfortunately Mary-Margaret cannot resist the X-TREME that is Doritos. I think that since she didn't let the doritos digest, the X-TREME inside of them just lingered about her body, as the raw form of X-TREME cannot be expelled unless in the form of stool or extreme sports.

If this movie is a Netflix streaming movie, then I recommend it. Any other forms of this movie would be complete crap. This movie is slightly better than a B Horror movie, and I just so happen to love most of those.

But this movie kind of sucked...

Edit:! This entire movie is on YOUTUBE!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FpeBtsrjLDc&feature=related Part 1.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uMt7FD5zjmA&feature=related Part 2.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HUlm1XlaaBM&feature=related Part 3.

Looks like it clocks in just around half an hour, so if you have that time to kill, go for it.